Eulogy for Diana Micallef – 6th May 2021

I would like to say a few words about my mum, Diana Micallef, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, who’s life touched so many people; 

and I would like to thank all those who have come today, and also the many others who would have wanted to be here but could not, mainly due to covid restrictions, and are joining us via the internet; especially Mum’s sisters Merle and Marguerite, Edwige, and all the family in France and abroad, and all those who gave up their places or came without their partners or alone so that others could attend, as a family we really appreciate everyone’s understanding and support. And I would also like to thank all those who sent such lovely cards and tributes, they have been a great comfort.

So, Diana Micallef was born Diana Roe on 14th July 1942.  When questioned why she only had two names and no middle name Mum always said that it was because it was the war and names were rationed.

Mum was the fifth child of Alice and Frank Roe, with Merle the eldest, 10 years older than mum, then the boys Jim and Bill who have sadly both passed away, Hazel who died as an infant, then Mum, and then 10 years later Marguerite, and of course Flossey the beloved dog.  

Mum grew up here in Olney, and although I believe there were some hard times especially after the war with rationing and cold winters, and ice on the inside of the windows, it was also a happy childhood surrounded by her family, not just her immediate family but also Aunties, Uncles and cousins, Nick, Cicely, Gerry, Fred, Susan & Robert.  Mum had a rowing boat and a canoe and loved to boat on the river, sometimes canoeing up to Newport Pagnell to see Aunty Rene.

After leaving school mum worked for Taylor’s, in the shop and also driving the delivery van.  Mum was an active and adventurous person, joining the TA as a driver and driving a truck around a tank assault course. Later she worked for Sojenic in the offices, but then on a fateful holiday to Butlins in 1963 she met a handsome young man with a French accent called Walter.

Many people have asked me where my Mum and Dad met thinking it must have been somewhere like London or Paris, no it was Butlins and after 18 months Mum and Dad were married here in this church on 03th October 1964.  Moving first to Palmers Green, then Waldeslade in Kent where Paul was born, and where Uncle Bill with Trevor, Sharon and Jackie also lived for a while, and then they moved to Hainault in Essex where I was born. 

Dad noted that he and Mum had been together almost 60 years and were married for 57, and in all that time they did everything together.  Although they came from different countries and at first did not even speak the same language they had a happy marriage because as Dad says, where there is love you can overcome any obstacle.  

If I had to sum up Mum the first words that spring to mind would be caring, kind, dependable, practical, stubborn, occasionally fierce, and beautiful; growing up I was often told how beautiful my mother was, and with her bright blue eyes and blonde hair they were right. 
But the first word in that list was caring, and she was especially fond of children which shows in the activities that Mum was involved in over the years, which included:

Helping to run a playgroup

a child minder – when a neighbour asked Mum to look after his son after his wife was taken ill Mum registered as a childminder and she looked after Neil until his mother recovered

a member of the Catholic Women’s league supporting vulnerable people in the community

collecting money for the RNLI – I remember going door to door with Mum collecting the envelopes.

A volunteer driver for the Stroke Club taking Mr Martin to and from the club every week for many years

Tawny Owl for the local Brownies – for years after teenage girls and young woman would come up to Mum smiling saying ‘Hello Tawny!’

And she was an active member of the church,  - manning many a stall at the church fete and cooking mountains of toffee apples and cakes.

And for many years she was an assistant at the Ethel Davies school for disabled children, and this I think really exemplifies Mum’s caring and practical nature, for her role at this school included all aspects of caring for the children including physiotherapy, swimming, feeding, changing, helping the children in class and wheelchair chase in the playground.  

When Mum applied for the job they said the interview was just to spend a day at the school and see how it goes, as some people could not cope with the challenges the job involved and it required a special person.  Mum was that special person. 

After her years working at the school, I remember her last day, as she came home in an emotional state, with a car absolutely laden with flowers and chocolates and gifts, there had been tears at her leaving do and she was surprised and overwhelmed, but I knew from the way Mum talked about the children at the school how much she cared for them, and it was no surprise they were very upset when she left.

Mum was very determined and reliable you always knew Mum would be there when you needed her.  She was also very practical, gardening, decorating and making many of our clothes, I remember Mum made my first Communion dress and proudly telling everyone that ‘My Mum made it”.  

She was also a fantastic cook, she was already a great traditional cook but she embraced French and North African cuisine after marrying Dad, tackling her mother-in-laws’ recipes which, as the Micallef side of the family will know, were somewhat vague with measurements such as ‘just enough’ or ‘not too much’, but out of the tiny kitchen in Cypress Grove came feasts to fill up even the Micallef appetites.

Mum’s strong maternal instinct extended not only to the children at the Ethel Davis school and the local Brownies but to the friends of Paul and myself.  When we were teenagers Mum would come down many a Saturday morning to find various friends on the sofa and sprawled around the living room, all were taken under the parental wings and Mum, and Dad, would get out the eggs and bacon and everyone got a good breakfast and a smile.  

When Dad finished working in London Mum and Dad moved to Olney, so it was full circle for Mum coming back to the place she was brought up.  As usual Mum immediately became an active member of the local community, joining the WI, the Wives and Mothers group, a walking group, the Church choir – where Mum and I sung together which we greatly enjoyed – and together with Dad she volunteered at Clifton Courts helping to serve lunches for the elderly, and got involved with local events such as Dickins of a Christmas, where Mum and I made more mountains of cakes for the refreshments stall.

As you may gather by this time I had moved up to Olney too and spent a lot of time with Mum and Dad.  Mum, and Dad of course, had already given Paul and I a very happy childhood and now we made more happy memories, especially when Sam and I and Paul and Jan were married and of course the arrival of Jacob and then Charlie.  

Mum adored the grandchildren and we always had willing baby sitters.  I asked the boys what their memories of Grandma Diana were, Jacob said playing pooh-sticks with Grandma and watching Scooby-doo V Batman together, Charlie said that it’s a simple thing but Grandma would always play ball games with him which he really enjoyed.
Another lovely memory was Mum and Dad’s Golden Wedding celebration in 2014.

However around this time Mum started to have trouble finding everyday words, problems which eventually lead to the diagnosis of a rare form of dementia.  I don’t want to talk very much about that, but I would like to thank all those who cared for Mum, especially Dad, who bore the brunt of it, and all the carers, especially Ally who was a great support, and all the staff at Park House Care Home in Tyringham; sadly, Mum did not have much time at Park House, but we were grateful for the care Mum received and that we were able to be together during her final days.   And I would like to thank all those who have made donations to the Alzhiemers society via the Memorial site for Mum.

Even when Mum’s illness progressed, and she could not communicate very well, she was still very much focused on the family; she knew who we were and would repeat stories about looking after Paul and Jacob when they were small, and her eyes would light up whenever she saw us or the boys and, as Charlie said, they enjoyed many games of throw the ball in the cup and table skittles, with lots of smiles and laughter.  We also still enjoyed singing together, with Paul and Dad, at the Singing for the Brain group, as well as watching her favourite musicals together.

So, as the reading said at the start of the service, ‘now she can rest for ever after her work, since her good deeds go with her.' And I know that Mum takes very many good deeds with her and leaves us with many wonderful memories of a full life, a caring selfless life, a life well lived.